Short and Sweet Memory

This is a song that marks many special moments in my life, and this latest moment is no different. I'm laying in bed right now, attempting to rid yet another headache when my mind wanders back to the hotel room.

Master was so worried he was going to keep me awake with his snoring (since apparently his wife exaggerates about it) that he was prepared to attempt to sleep propped up on a stack of pillows. I won't ever forget it, even though I was blurry with sleepiness then, cuz it was so thoughtfully cute (I may pay for this later). He made me dig out my MP3 player and headphones before he would move down and get comfortable, so I fetched it. And turned on this song.

The first memory of this song I have is when I would play it on repeat when talking to an old friend late at night. I was crazy about him, and would fight sleep until 6am just to sit and talk with him about anything under the moon. Half the time, I was giving him girl advice, but apparently that didn't seem to phase me.

I laid listening to the song in the hotel bed, and alternated between staring at SportsCenter on the TV and the ceiling and Master, so I wouldn't seem creepy. But I didn't want to sleep, because that meant our time was running out. So I played the one song guaranteed to help me stay awake.

Appartengo a mi Lupo.

Right Hand, Left Hand

I asked Master the other day to clarify things for me a bit. It happens from time to time, my romantic side gets carried away and loses touch with my subby side, so that feelings of love and in love get combined and mixed up.
So I asked him if, in his ideal world where everything was as he and we wanted it, if his wife and I were equal in standing, living together as a family and functioning as such. And his answer was so simple, that I've come to expect them from him, these easy to visualize and understand explanations.

"My ideal world is very complete. There is no standing. No ranking. There is only 1 and 2, like left and right. Do I favor my right hand more than left, simply because it's my dominant hand, because I write, eat, and act with it? No. My right hand has more responsibilities and is used most often and is what most respond to. However, my right could not survive without the left. My left holds its own significance in its own right, which cannot be taken away from it."

"So you do love me with the same intensity and such as you do her, but it's just a bit different because she is your dominant hand."

"Yes. Exactly."


Poly still baffles my head sometimes, but at the same exact time... it doesn't feel wrong. It doesn't feel like it's anything that shouldn't be done or should be outlawed. It's one of those things that works for some people and may not for others.
I have my doubts that my family would ever accept such an arrangement, so I hope with all my heart that someday the answer comes to light. Maybe Master isn't the one I'll be with for the rest of our lives or for however long our D/s relationship lasts. Maybe there is someone else down the line that will fill those urges as well as give me a family and marriage.
I can't say either way. I've learned not to think too hard on it. It only causes unneeded stress and migraines. I've learned to live for the foreseeable future. That foreseeable future holds Master and my leash and collar, lots of college classes, a lot of writing in one form or another, and learning about myself.

I do know that I'm where I'm supposed to be. And that he loves me, regardless of left or right, or 1 or 2.

Appartengo a Lupo.
mi Lupo.

Latest Update- yes it's been forever

One of my friends basically told me yesterday that if I could have a dose of Master’s dominance (or personal time, or scene, or whatever you’d like to call it) once a month, I could probably stay away from my medications. *grins* He may be right, however unlikely that time could happen. Easter weekend. All the college students heading home for tasty family meals. I did that on Saturday, so I can count myself one of those students.

But first was a weekend getaway with Master. I was so excited, because the last time I was at a hotel there was a giant swimming pool and I have been itching to go swimming for the first time in a long time. So after the 2.5 hour drive and 80+ miles, I finally found the hotel, but drove in circles trying to find the entrance to the lobby. Turned out that the lobby wasn’t attached to the actual hotel, it was a little office building across the parking lot and hidden behind an empty restaurant. So blah, blah, I checked in and wandered back over to find our room, brought my bags (yes plural) in and spread my sheet out on the bed. (I have allergies and the last thing we needed was something horrible to spoil our time.)

Just as I started wondering what the hell I was going to do to pass the time, he’s walking in the door. I hadn’t even been there ten minutes, so my anxiety meds hadn’t gone to work (yes, I did take them when I got there). So after hellos, we laid on the bed and watched a TV show on USA (I can‘t remember what we watched, I was busy calming down). Being me and new to everything, he made all the first moves. Teased me over my trembling hands. Started a majority of any conversation. I can’t say which order things went in, as things are still blurry. Stripping, being chastised about folding my clothes instead of bunching them up, blindfolded, flogged, a hair brush spanking, blindfolded and sucking Master’s cock, and then sex. And lots and lots of cuddles. I was really glad there wasn’t anything inside that tore during the first time, but a little flap of skin on the outside tore. I’ve tore it myself before *blushes and tries to look innocent* Ladies, hopefully I’m not the only one…

Anyways, *sighs* the sex was really great. I, of course, have no comparison, but still. Except for the soreness of that torn skin. I’m pretty sure that was the only thing wrong with that picture. I shall not be happy if it happens again… Dinner was a trip down the street to Dairy Queen for burgers, fries, and vanilla ice cream (though he had his dipped in chocolate).

Sleeping with another person is kinda weird if you’ve never done it before. Personally, the only other person I’ve shared a bed with would be my cousin, but we’re the best of friends and share just about everything, so there was no weirdness there. We’ve been sharing a tent and bed since we were 6. Sleeping with Master was very different, since he first tried to be gallant and sleep mostly upright to spare me any snoring. Apparently I persuaded him otherwise (that part is foggy cuz I was worn out and sleepy) cuz he slid down and we curled up again. I only woke up a few times, because he moved and rolled or something. My cousin doesn’t move much in her sleep, so it’s something I’m not used to. Morning was unwelcome, most definitely. Not only do I not like to wake up before 10, but morning also meant the vacation was coming to an end. And it made me grumpy. So after a little breakfast, I got flogged again. Grumpiness gone.

That was four days ago, and I’ve been bouncy and happy since. I have bite bruises popping up everywhere, had to actually text Master and ask him if he’d bit my calf, because I couldn’t remember. That’s the biggest and most colorful bruise I have. And my online kinky friends have been horrible influences, so much so that I’ve been provoking him… I’ve been promised more bruises all over next time. Apparently Master already has the next visit’s activities planned out. Now that I’m impatient for summer to get here, I’m also impatient for it to be over so that I can start school again. Because I’m told that will probably be when the next visit is, some time in the fall.

*cracks fake Domme whip over the calendar* Move faster, dammit.

Appartengo a Lupo. <3