Come and Go Friends

I've been thinking lately about the people who have come and gone in my life. I've met so many nice people online that I've clicked with and become friends with. They helped me through the worst times and celebrated in the best.

But lately, I've taken inventory of my Yahoo! IM list, and realized that I don't talk to over 3/4 of those people very often. Many I deleted due to their inactivity in my life (due to not having anything to talk about or bond over), and they have occasionally popped back up into my screen and tried to start a conversation. Me being not a good socializer to start with, didn't know what to say, so the conversation went flat and I closed the window.

I've found that a lot of the people who have fallen out of my life, at least temporarily out, have started relationships. They started to revolve their online life mostly around their significant other, and were never around to talk to. What gets to me is that when they come back into my life and start making small talk (or big talk) they expect to pick right up where everything dropped off. There are very few people I do that with, two of four of them being online friends (and one being my Master, though things never drop off with him).

Why do people think they can drop out of your life, and then reenter and act like nothing has changed? Many things have changed, including a lot in my life in a short-ish period of time and said friend ditching my company (even catching up once a week or so) for their significant other. There are ways to stay in communication that don't involve IM-ing every night, and all of the people who have disappeared have my email and Fetlife information to send messages.

I guess it just bothers me... obviously. I am in near constant contact with my own Master, keep his email organized, play a games on Facebook with 3 separate accounts (a game that donates to helping the world become a better place, so I may be addicted, but I am addicted to a good cause), go to school, and work a part time job. ON TOP OF spending time with my family and relaxing.

I don't see how dropping in on a friend now and again, even while life is busy, is so hard. Some people may not agree with me, and say that communication works both ways. To that I say that I was not the one who disappeared and had no time to talk. All of my free time does not revolve around my Master, and I very rarely tell my friends that I can't talk due to talking to him.

I don't make people a priority when they show me that I am an option.

Appartengo a mi Lupo <3

Life has gotten in our way again. Our D/s relationship seems to have mostly fallen to the side, though I would never say I am neglected. We support each other in the day to day stuff, and we are always in contact. I think that if a whole day passes, and I haven't heard from him, I would start to worry a lot.

But I don't feel particularly submissive. Master has requested that I start kneeling for him before each shower in the morning, but my knees are taking a horrible beating because I am not yet used to being on my feet and working so long. So I tried it today, and it didn't go so well. But I can honestly say I tried. It just feels like someone is pulling my knee in top and bottom directions when I kneel... :(

Another thing is my non-existent sex drive. I'm not sure what it means or where it stems from, whether its the birth control or the constant busy-ness of life right now. But its been weeks since I've come last, and I don't really have a drive to do so. I'm not sure that I would even get a subby glow or anything if he told me to do so... Which worries me.

But then again, I'm exhausted. And rambling. So I could be completely crazy.

Appartengo a Lupo <3