It's been such a long time.

I feel quite guilty, since one of my tasks for the summer was to write a blog post for both blogs once a week, and I've failed that miserably.

Life has turned around quite nicely. On Monday, Master's wife is being induced. Alexandria Rose will be arriving very, very soon, so I must finish her blanket quickly. It's coming along nicely, and my secret additions will be great as well. Master and Wife are going to be great parents, I believe. They know how not to parent their children and how not to treat them. Both have shady pasts that have made them the incredible people they are today, so I know that they will continue to rise above their pasts and excel in the future.

Three days ago, Wednesday, I had a reconstructive knee surgery on my right knee. I was released from the hospital on Thursday afternoon, and have since spent a majority of my time in my bed at home. The drugs keep me quite fuzzy headed, but usually free of pain. Today my family and I went grocery shopping, which I've since decided I wasn't ready for. I barely had the stamina for a shower earlier today, so why I decided to go shopping, I don't really know. I have plenty of yarn to keep me occupied and a crochet magazine with new patterns in it for me to learn. I'm having a good time learning new patterns and stitches.

I've learned a lot about myself since my medications have started working well. It's a surprising thing, discovering things about yourself that you should have known already. I've come to realize that I didn't know myself very well at all in my teen years.

I like to learn. I enjoy the reading and studying that goes along with my summer classes, Political Science and MicroEconomics. I'm looking forward to school starting up again, and so far am not intimidated by the 16 credits I'll be taking in the fall semester. I hand chose all of the classes for my schedules, so I am at least interested in the topic they cover, which definitely helps the eagerness. I added a minor in Women and Gender Studies also, and if the next few years' projected schedule of classes changes, I'll probably be adding a minor in Sociology as well. I also find that I look at genres other than romance and erotica, though mostly its nonfiction I browse through. (I've also had to put aside pleasure reading for the most part. With all the after-surgery medications and sleeping I've been doing, I don't have time to read anything but homework until the end of the semester.)

I am quite friendly, even though I am always shy. At work, I've made a few friends whom I hope to keep talking to even though I'm done working for nearly two years due to the surgeries. I like talking and interacting with people, which I'm glad to have learned since my major is Social Work.

My relationship with Master seems to just be getting stronger with time. I am rarely unhappy anymore, and especially not because of him. Our relationship is definitely not what I've found as the "norm" in this lifestyle, but it suits us and what we need. We are still D/s, and I am still his submissive, but I think I identify as more of a pet than a submissive. At least in our day to day relationship. I check his emails and sort through them to keep his inbox organized. We talk on and off through the day, in a "normal" exchange of dialogue, not the "proper" or tiered speech between a Master and sub. I definitely like the way we interact, as I feel more cherished and valued this way. I always felt awkward and tentative when speaking more formally with Master, and I don't like feeling that way. I go out of my way NOT to feel like that on a regular basis.

I think my long post has finally summed up the past few months. Nothing significant has happened, in the event sense, but so much has come into light lately that I felt I had to share with anyone willing to read.

Now I must go clear my head with a nap and get some homework read and written.

Appartengo a mi Lupo. <3

Devotion

Do you ever wonder where your devotion to your significant other came from? Did it spring up on you, out of the blue, like mine did?

I've been thinking about the past lately, and how I used to interact with Master. I'd been getting through a tough time, being the butt of two teenage guys' joke and a disastrous two meetings with a "dom", when he found his way into my life. His (now ex) sub was a friend of mine from a chatroom we frequented.

Being the quite, reserved, unsociable one I was (and still am to an extent), I started talking to him every night. At that point, we both were night owls and would sit and talk about things for 3 hours or more every night.

It didn't take me long at all to take a liking to him. He was a great listener, and liked to tease me, and I felt at ease (most of the time) when I was talking to him. When I say most of the time, I mean that I have this insecure/alternate side (doesn't everyone?) that tries to protect the kitten-y, subby one from what she deems "bad decisions." Master and I have deemed her Bitch.

Right off the bat, I felt a deeper connection, and it had me spooked. How the hell do you form such a deep connection with someone you've never met or seen a picture of? The feelings had me running scared for a while, but eventually life evened out.

My devotion stems from the way he's changed my life. I'm happy now. Not (only) because I belong somewhere unconditionally and unquestionably, but because the paths we've walked together have found a life I like. One that involves learning, working, and enjoying the hell out of (almost) everyday of my life. Sure, I still have my bad days. But who doesn't sometimes just want to laze about the house and do nothing for 24 hours?

I love my Master with everything I am, everything he's brought forth from the locked places inside, and everything we will discover in the future. He has earned every bit, and will have the gift of my submission for as long as he wishes.