...has been pretty shitty. I thought about censoring this to prevent from possibly upsetting people or making my Master out to be a bad Dom. We have our good and happy times, our bad and upsetting times, just like any real couple does whether they're D/s or vanilla or somewhere in the middle. But I would never call him a bad Master, not ever. He plays the cards he's been dealt, just like all of us do. Sometimes his choices don't line up with mine, but that doesn't mean anything when it comes to our relationship value.
Master's been too busy to be around very much lately, and his wife is on bed rest due to pregnancy complications. He has a lot on his plate besides taking care of me, and I haven't made his job any easier with my cold shoulders and my snippy comments.
After a few failed attempts at addressing things and finding a solution, we finally had a conversation that ended in a hopeful fix. I feel like I finally said everything I needed to. He's told me she's still insecure in the marriage and there's nothing I can do about it. Time and patience.
Part of this new beginning is on me. I need to change my attitude about her. And I know it's going to be hell to do it because I believe what I believe and she's not helping that at all. Since I've stopped reaching out and attempting to talk to her, she hasn't bothered to reach out to me either. And that does make me a bit bitter, yes. Pisses me off because she's told me often that she loves me and appreciates how much I've been there for her. It upsets me because of how close I know we could be, and with the possibility of them moving to my state and close to my hometown, I could live with them. It's so very frustrating to know how great of friends we could be and to have to sit and wait for her to realize that he chose her for a reason.
There's no bitterness in that statement. I know my place, I know who I am and who I am to him. I am his submissive, not his wife. I haven't thought of taking her place or splitting them apart. "I'm not asking for you to reach out. But I want to only hear positive and reassuring things from you when it comes to her." So here's to changing my attitude.
While I am working on the best submissive I can, he has things to work on too. He says he will work on finding time for D/s time. And showing me the good in his marriage, his life. I think that has a lot to do with my feelings of negativity. I don't hear him talk about the good times or the couple's night in, only when the house is a mess and she's upset.
So here's to new beginnings at the beginning of the new year. Perfect time, I suppose. There are new resolutions to add to the previous list.
1) Be the best submissive for Master that I can be.
2) Give more effort to understanding Master's home life and compensating accordingly.
Appartengo A Lupo. <3
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