Denying Fear (possibly rambling)

**"She knew without a shadow of a doubt that he would never physically hurt her.
"But deep down, in places where reason didn't exist, it didn't matter. Some fears remained, and they gnawed at her peace of mind, keeping her from true freedom."**
pg 298, Lori Foster's *A Perfect Storm*

I wrote this quote down and will shortly hang it on my bedroom door, but I felt I had to share. I bought this book yesterday, and have since finished it (am a huge bookworm). It is one I feel a great connection with, as I have with many Lori Foster books, not because I went through the same terrible childhood the main female did (her father sold her to sex traffickers for some drugs) but because there are a few strong things about her character and personality I can relate to.

But I didn't post this to compare her characters to myself. I started writing to explain that fear is perfectly normal. It could possibly even be categorized as healthy. If you aren't afraid of anything, then what are your goals for life? I do not believe you can be fear-free and so completely sure of yourself that you can do anything you please without hesitation.

Deep, deep down, you are scared of something. I'm talking waaaay down in your soul, you have a gut-instinct fear of doing something. Underneath the person you show everyone every day. Underneath your subby self or your Dom self. Maybe it's even a teenie-tiny molecule in the very middle of that floating ghost-like thing Harry Potter says is your soul. But you have a fear.

I have quite a few, most of which keep being stirred up this past week, either by a discussion group I sit in online or by nightmares I occasionally have.

Like Lori Foster's Arizona Storm, I have a fear of small, enclosed spaces, especially ones that lock. Afterall, if the wrong person holds the key to that lock, my life could easily be over. The same with being mummified or bound so completely that I have no escape route, no way to move or even wiggle.

I've come to terms with my fears, by which I mean that I've accepted that I'm terrified of both. I may not like admitting to them, but I no longer deny them. (It was extremely hard to deny my fear when someone planted the image in my head of me wrapped in saran wrap on the floor and I was thrown into a full blown panic attack.)

Even though that mental image put Master in control of the situation, standing over me and watching every millisecond, I am still terrified of the predicament. And that is okay.

As the submissive in the relationship, I (and you others as well) am ultimately responsible for myself. I've *given* Him the control, I *willingly* follow His orders and rules. But underneath that inner subby voice is also another one I've only recently stopped ignoring.

She says, "I am scared. Be very careful."

Though that voice is small and buried deep, the statement rings true. Don't deny your fear. Fear is an emotion, a very basic one, and it makes us human. Even though it does not sit well with me that there are situations where I could not turn over complete control to my Master or follow an order that stirred up down-to-the-bone fear, I've come to terms with it, and I hope He can as well.

Appartengo a mi Lupo <3