This weekend has been pretty hard on me. I've been slowly going crazy since I got my first exam scores back. Failed 2 out of 3... yeah, not so good. So to keep myself sane, I've been rearranging my study schedule, spending a lot of my free time reading and studying the notes for Biology.
But tonight a thought has been bugging me. What if we never get back to how things were? Master says things are always changing, and I suppose he's right. But change isn't always good. And if we're always changing, then how will things ever be stable again? The definition of stable is unmoving and unchanging. So does that mean no relationship is truly ever stable?
I don't always feel stable anymore, unfortunately. And I hate to admit it. I hate admitting that I'm not rock steady and always ready for life, but I rarely truly ready. Take this new change to our relationship. I knew something was going to have to change, but still it was such a shock that I couldn't eat much of anything for 3 days straight. It wasn't healthy, but I couldn't deal. And now that I am dealing with it, I'm wondering what's going to happen next.
But probably I shouldn't be writing anything while medicated on Valium and tired. Probably I should turn my focus over to Master and talk to him for a while before bed.
So buona notte.
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