Today's been one of those "off" days. I told Master I'd take my camera outside and shoot some landscapes, something we both like to do. Since I'm at a college he went to, it would make him happy if I were to send him a few pictures.
But I just don't have the motivation. And that makes me doubt my submission some days. What kind of submissive wants his attention focused on her through the day? Especially when we're poly and he's married! I'm not feeling neglected, I don't think. Just needy today. And it always turns out that my needy days are the days when Master is most busy.
The other day I was playing a game on Facebook (yes, I'm very guilty of those) during a break from homework and a chat box pops up. He's pleasantly surprised me with his lunch break. 40 whole minutes of him, all to myself. Except that, while it was great to have that time, I was about to log off and do more homework. My motivation to study had been quite high that day. So today, when my motivation is extremely low, I don't even get a good morning or any quality time at all. He's killing spiders in his new apartment with his new wife.
So here I am, sitting around trying to write a story in my pajamas, figuring I'll just eat cereal for supper. Wondering what kind of submissive I can be when I'd rather he focus on me instead me focus on him. I hope I'm not the only one to get this kind of attitude. If so, maybe I'm not a submissive at all? Maybe I was just looking for somewhere to be wanted, someone to show me some kind of attention.
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