When I wake up to a morning that's rainy, dark, and dreary, there's a switch that flips in my head. Like today.
I woke up to my alarm at 7:30, sat up to turn it off, and my head exploded in pain. Terrific. That plus the fact that I could find absolutely no motivation to go to an early class had me finding Master's weather online and then going back to sleep.
Days like this drive me to think in depth sometimes. And I've come to a conclusion. There is a startling difference between being happy and being happy. One is a day to day thing, the other looking long-term at life in general.
Day to day, it always varies. Mostly, it depends on my contact with Master, his day, his mood, his stress leve. I think I take on his tone (happy, stressed, etc.) because I'm not so good at dealing with my own. See, there's technically nothing horrid about my life. I have an amazing and caring (secret) boyfriend (of sorts), food in the fridge, a room to myself in the dorms, and a great school, not to mention a loving, supportive family.
But obviously there's something that triggers days like this. On one level I know I should take the time to figure it out, that I shouldn't depend on Master for my mood, my happiness. But I wonder if that is a vanilla thing, the assumption that it's unhealthy to depend on another for happiness. His happiness makes me happy, his upset makes me upset. And when he's stressed and tired, but happy to hear from me, in return I get a bit stressed wanting to make it better even though I can't, yet am happy to hear from him as well.
Just more ramblings. But then, you tune in to read them.
Appartengo a Lupo.
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