Something I believe I need to revisit and relearn. Just a few weeks ago, I though I had a high patience level. Maybe I'm just pmsing, but this is the second time in a week that I've been impatient and selfish with Master. I don't like that he's so busy. It makes him so tired, and that makes him go to bed early, which subtracts time from me. Ergo, selfish. But that's my fault. After all, isn't it the submissive's job to be there for her Master, to comfort and be what he needs when he needs it? And get her needs fulfilled in return? I've been going about it backwards, I think, adding another check under the Selfish column.
Sure, there has to be an underlying cause... but I couldn't tell you what it is. I'm not really sure, though I know I'm always waiting for bad news. With my short but painful history with guys, I have a hard time believing he wants to keep me, even 8 months later. It's a work in progress thing. I've definitely come a long way, but still have a ways to go. Unfortunately, history isn't just something you can erase and pretend never happened... Well, the pretending can happen, but the erasing of memories never really works right. Just ask Willow. One spell gone awry and no one even knows their name anymore. (That's a Buffy reference, if you didn't know.) Memories and experiences (even the bad ones) are what make us who we are. If we take them away, we might as well regress in life. I wouldn't be the person I am today without the experiences of every day before now.
So in a rambling conclusion, impatience and selfishness are very bad. They rarely get you what you want, and you don't deserve to get what you want if you act out. Supporting the Dom/me is the submissive's position, that's what we signed up for. Patience gets us what we need and want, combined with support.
Appartengo a Lupo :)
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